Professional, Sniper, Marksman, which are you?

Paranoia

2010-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

I don't want to lose my friends.

I can't lose my friends.

I don't get close to many people

I can't stop myself from trying to get close to people.

I can't stop myself from caring.

I can't stop this paranoia.

I take risks to end all this.

I just cant carry on.

I want to end all this.

I will end all this.

I am going to end all this.

I will kill myself.

Too nice of a guy...

2010-04-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

People come to me to talk to when they're said. I dont mind, I dont mind at all. I like to help people, whether advice or just someone to rant to or listen. I'll smile when they're happy. Even though they go to other friends to celebrate, forgetting those who didn't shy alway when they needed someone.

But who listens to the listener?

No one really cares about that person don't they?

After all, I'm the only one who notices.

I guess I dont show I'm hurting. Probably thats why no one else notices. I just cant seem to click with people. Probably cause I care too much. Care too much to do reckless stupid frivous things that make friends.

I'm too emotional, too caring, too vulnerable, too... hanging on barely...

100% of readers will read this, click "X" and conviently forget about my feelings

Always running away...

2009-12-30T12:10:00.000-08:00

Some crazy shit going down these days, relationships forming and breaking around me, it’s almost like I’m in the eye of the storm. Not that I’m calm about it. I was talking to “Hoshi” just now. I guess he can vocalize his thoughts easy. Your best friend breaks up on screwed up terms, you’ll feel bad about it. If you’re close enough, “I told you so” wouldn’t cross your mind, its revenge. And the most screwed up feeling is when you can’t do anything.

I guess I don’t analyze my situations, occurrences and happenings enough. It took me effort from analyzing “Hoshi”s feelings in order to really have a clear picture of what I think. Most of the time, my analysis is blurry, vague, Nevertheless, scary. Its not that I don’t analyze my life, but what every minimal effort I’ve put it so far, it’s really scary. Part of me wants to know more, but for the most part, just run away.

I can shrug off shit easy; I push it to the corner of my mind, that’s all. But sooner or later, either they start coming back out, or I can’t push it back further no more. That’s why I hate thinking, cause it’ll inevitably lead to every piece of shit.

Maybe that’s why I dwell in guns, shoot them and kill them, at least for the time being.

Lost and alone, separated from my buddies every start of each battle. There are never enough bullets for all my ghosts, surviving each battle by the skin of my teeth. Resupply, always late, never enough. Always falling back, losing ground, losing part of my mind. Falling back to strong points, but I always lose them. Every respite, I vow to regain what I’ve lost. But it seems that I’m always failing. All my buddies are always so near, yet so far.

I’ll keep fighting though. Moments of respite with my buddies, remembering why I fight, that’s what keeps me going. But even that, like what wars do, my soul is slowly fading away.

Haiku

2009-03-07T11:25:00.000-08:00

In the eve of friday,
just shy of six,
the rain clouds cleared,
everyone saw a miracle.

It was spectacular, the rainbow of course. I'd like to fancy that the world stopped to gaze at magic. I've never seen one in real life. I know the science, I know the stories. But its something that made me pause and think about the sky and everything below it.

The feeling of gazing at it is too difficult to pen down, in this case, type out.

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet. Its too simplistic to discribe it by them.

Rainbows evoke a sense of peace inbued when young. Where everything else becomes tainted, rainbows stay pure.

The mind runs at breakneck speed at the sight of rainbows.

That is the reason why wordless is attached to rainbows. Where beginning, middle and end are reversed, jumbled up and in line all at the same time.

What rainbows are? They're....

There Aint No Time Like Old Time

2009-02-18T12:28:00.001-08:00

Grr...

Most of the work I put in results in success 1/5 of the time. Annoying really. Never appreciated and not appreciating.

If your immediate thought is you, then you're probably wrong. If you thought it was your fault, for a split second, you appreciated something I did. And people who dont appreciate another, won't do it until its lost, even if he or she is prompted.

If it isn't, well...

Catch all the flak you want son, but be careful, too much flak and you'll crash and burn.

2008 - 2009

2009-01-01T12:30:00.001-08:00

2008

Woke up at 9 to meet wz and gen at merawoods. 'pparently vic came over and wz had to meet his friend for a short while.

4 of us went to PS to have lunch, vic had a little problem with her card but it got fixed. Went to the food court to eat. Jun, Ben and Kenneth arrived respectively.

Buggered around for some time and went to east coast to cycle. We wanted to bowl but we decided that it could be easily done.

cycled for 2 hours and had a break.

Went back to merawoods to wz's house. Watched tropic thunder for a while until gen got keys to her house ('pparently she got locked out and went to get it from her bro)

Then the gang went to gen's house. Weren't supposed to be there.

Called for KFC

Everyone was quite relaxed. Talking, Xbox and my laptop were the things done. Got people hooked on "Left 4 dead" and "Deadspace" (did quite bad on Gears of war 2, got better when i got my sniper rifle)

Hauled ass outta there at 10.30. More of cause we wanted to play hide and seek.

Kenneth and Ben "drew the short straw".

Walked around with gen, si min and jun. Wanted to hide at the stairs but gen said it was obvious.

Sneaked in the carpark for some time, got split up from gen and si min.

Went back to drop my bag. Met vic, bel , wz and gang there.

jun wanted to rest. sneaked away. Saw ken and ben at the corner and gtfo of there. did a bit of "monkey-ing" around and got to my favourite spot. sent off updates.

got bluff by gen (i knew, swore i heard too much noise in the background)

stayed there.

was spitting distance to ken, ben and jun. held my nerve.

last one and gave myself up.

had another game, ken, ben, wz and me were hiders, rest of the 7 were catchers. gen and jun were the oracles.

no one got caught

regrouped at 11.50

counted down

2009 (cool eh, half way another day, dont get this much)

hugs and pats and high fives. left me thinking, brooding.

got some drinks and stayed till 2. amanda joined halfway.

heard "bet" and "sunrise"

got home at 3. couldn't sleep, won 2 games of dota and did some research.

changed at 5.15 and got outta the house to merawoods..

waited and chat with amanda for 15minutes. met with the gang.

didn't have a good vantage point. did the best i could. quite accurately pointed out were the sun was.

Watched the sunrise. spectacular, thought provoking, special

took photos with the gang.

ate breakfast at KAP

bused home with gen, her gang and amanda.

got home, bathed the slept till 8.

You know. Its really sad. This year is the year of change. School postings, NS, Moving. I never fail to wonder if friends,life will be better. Did, am and will cherish every moment of that countdown. Least I spent it with my favourite group of friends. wouldn't trade then for the world.

G, hope you didn't get too bad from ya parents.

Just scared shitless, thats all.

2 years ago... revisited

2008-11-16T09:11:00.000-08:00

The inevitable has come, once again.

Next few months are going to be torture, plain torture. I might be moving again.

Down a few blocks' no kick, I'm talking about far away. Not like Benny, but sure hell feels like it.

It’s a real bitch. 17 years in this area. I'm going to miss everything. Friends I love, memories I made and the familiar places.

More than that, I'll miss my friends at merawoods. 7 years together, literally knowing each other as we grew up.

Someone said something along the lines of "It’s just the 4 of us left". Now, I'm making it 3.

Am I the last straw that broke the camels' back?

I talked to Ailsa a while back, heart wrenching, tear jerking conversation.

I aint gonna kid myself, no ones' going to miss me like the world's coming to an end. But let no one say again that "Yueming went out like a baby, crying in front of everyone, slobbering like an idiot".

There’s a BBQ this Saturday. I forced myself to go, I wont run away from fear any more.

I won’t spoil everyone's fun this holiday; probably tell it to Kenneth and Jun. The rest, I don’t know how I'll break it to them. But I know that I won’t spoil their celebration.

I am sorry...

You are... Astartes?
In a life far away.
what is your chapter?
I sold my soul to the devil, that part of me is gone.
Wont you come?
Sir, I can not. No words can express my pride of you, but I must stay.
What is your name?
Alriuc.
Alriuc, you will be remembered in the imperium, hailed as the hero, never forgotten in your sarifice to the emperor
Thank you, dear sir, you will be remembered by me, always...

Meloncholic feelings

2008-09-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

Well, its 3 am on wednesday. in 6 hours, a new class. So many feelings, so many thoughts. Most of them unsaid, many of them will be kept in my heart, never to see the day of light.

I've recounted many friends.

Friends I still know? Pierre, kenneth for examples.

Friends I'm losing? Melvin, Genevieve, Sandra, W14B

Friends I lost? Cassandra...

So I wanted to say to __________, heres 12 roses. 11 real, 1 fake. I swear to you, I'll love you till the last one dies. But I never really got a chance. I still got the roses, and my oath never wavered.

Its up to you to decide whether you feel you are worth it/want to be in that blank.

semper fi, always faithful

Why? Why? Why?

2008-07-30T05:19:00.000-07:00

I cant get you outta my head.

I hate having this feeling..

I love you...

I hate having this feeling!

I love you!!

I hate having this feeling!!!

I love you!!!!

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with...

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

Shitster

2008-07-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Well

Its the 2nd last lesson for week 13. I dont know, I just dont want to change class. I maybe I'm scared of changing class? Maybe I dont wanna lose the friendships I've made up now...

Its annoying really, I'd say. What do I have to not get left out? Break a few windows?

But hell, its been my style, Ghost Just pass through where I went and not remembered by anyone.

Really mate, this class, how many can I truly call a friend? Or maybe the lack-luster of attention is starting to get to me.

I hate attention, I think...

Its all confusing and I'm growing old. I'm tired, just fucking tired.

I WANNA GET OUTTA MY LIFE!

Give a kid too much toys when hes young and he'll be bored of life.

2008-07-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm bored.

Just bored.

Bored of life.

Theres no reason to live.

G? Hell, I bet she doesn't know yet. I dont know if I should even go for it. So many things to consider. I wont mind changing for her. Its just that I dont know if she'll want me.

I wanna say so many things to her. Theres no oppotunity to tell her. And somehow, I guess that she doesn't like me.

snafu eh?

Situation
Normal
All
Fucked
Up

Life.

2008-07-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

Alone.

Most of the time. I might know people, talk to them. But something's missing. I dont know whats it.

Break-free? After that, do what? Theres no drive for anything anymore.

Wake up, bath, school, home, play, bath, sleep, repeat.

What else is there to life!

Nothing else...

Somebody tell me what life is about!

Come to decide that the things that I tried were in my life just to get high on.
When I sit alone, come get a little known
But I need more than myself this time.
Step from the road to the sea to the sky, and I do believe that we rely on
When I lay it on, come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice

Hey oh... listen what I say oh
I got your hey oh, now listen what I say oh

When will I know that I really can't go to the well once more – time to decide on.
Well it's killing me, when will I really see, all that I need to look inside.
Come to believe that I better not leave before I get my chance to ride,
Well it's killing me, what do I really need - all that I need to look inside.

Hey oh... listen what I say oh
Come back and hey oh, look at what I say oh

The more I see the less I know
The more I like to let it go - hey oh, woah...
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow,
Finally divided by a word so undecided and there's nowhere to go;
In between the cover of another perfect wonder and it's so white as snow,
Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed and there's nowhere to go.
Ho!

Went to descend to amend for a friend of the channels that had broken down
Now you bring it up, I'm gonna ring it up - just to hear you sing it out.
Step from the road to the sea to the sky, and I do believe what we rely on,
When I lay it on, come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice

Hey oh... listen what I say oh
I got your hey oh... listen what I say oh

The more I see, the less I know
The more I like to let it go - hey oh, woah...
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow,
Finally divided by a word so undecided and there's nowhere to go.
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow...
Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed and there's nowhere to go.

I said hey oh yeah oh yeah...
Tell my love now
Hey yeah yeah... oh yeah.

Well, its a lil late but hell, i didn't get much sleep for the last few nights..

2008-06-04T04:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, hes the scoop for the 3D2N chalet.

First day

I got the chalet around 3.40. My mum took a wrong turning. So, instead of turning before changi airport, we had to go AROUND it and then towards downtown east. When I got there, Ika, Ilah, Bee sian, shirly, Bao and a few of his friends were there. We chilled a little bit and someone brought up the idea of swimming. I followed Ika, Ilah, Bee sian and shirly even though I didnt plan on swimming. I was pretty much gaurding the stuff till Ika splashed and made my shorts wet. It didn't look like there'll be any difference if I jumped in or not. So i jumped in and did i few laps. Wasnt really used to swimming without goggles so it was quite tough for me. I was half naked in front of everyone, not a nice feeling at all. Around 9, we buggered back for some dinner. We marinated floured the chicken and left it for a while. We were hanging around when Bao literally staggered into the room and zoned out. Spiked temperature, bloodshot eyes and lack of strengh attributed to? His friends and two bottles of liqour. Ilah, Ika, me and, later, cougan was with him. Around 12, we settled in for sleep. I has squashed between the wall and Bao. All I can say, he likes to hug things to sleep.

Second day

We played some silly game. I screwed up the first two times. Had to lick the floor and kiss bao. After that, I was pretty much immune to sabotaging. Around 2, the rest of the gang came. Zech, Israel, zul, roger, lishan, yvonne and mattew came. We continued the game till late at night. Me, Zech, israel and roger had a shot of vodka and orange. Zech, israel and roger finshed the rest of the vodka. We started making the barbecque around 5 and started cooking around 7. Fire was kep burnning the whole time. Literally cooking the whole time too. Around then, farisha came. I think Ilah was a little drunk and when to sleep. she woke up with around 11 and ate. Israel had to go home, and was later followed by zech. So it was decided that we couldn't wait any longer for the suprise. Partly because his friends got him drunk, AGAIN. So at 11.30, we gave a half awake bao his surpise birthday cake and presents. Me, roger and farisha escorted lishan and yvonne to the bus stop cause it was around 12 already. After that, we when back and hung alround. I think the atmosphere was a little tense. W14B were a little angry at Bao's friends. First they got him drunk twice, laughed at hime twice while he was drunk and now, they expected us to cook for em. We all washed up and went up to play some... UNO!!! We all went to sleep around 3 or 4.

Third day

Nothing much happened. We all check out and ate breakfast/lunch/brunch. I wasn't feeling very happy at that time. So I got roger to help my get some light liqour. We all got on the MRT and headed home.

Well mate, Happy 18th birthday.

After-chalet stuff.

I dropped off my bags and when to meet Mel, pierre and sean. We hung around while mel completed his work. Then we went to play lan. Went back home around 8 cause i promised my mum I wont be home too late.

I dont know, I dont like em. So much for being his friends. Stayed with him only enough to get him drunk. Asked us to feed em. Never took care of bao when he was drunk. and acted like it was their own chalet. No thank yous for food and only your mess to clean up. Not cool at all, eat shit and die.

Whatever here is purely based on what i saw.

2008-05-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

I really wonder whats up with her. I'm not talking about "what the fuck is wrong with you". I'm talking about, "you okay?"

Its like, shes losing hope. She used to be lively. Not so detached.

Now, I can see in it her eyes. Its the look of people that have given up hope. Eyes staring into space.

I don't know, I have a feeling that she doesn't understand. When we explain, takes her a few times to get the concept. I really dont mind explaining it. But sometimes, her face tenses up, for a split second, then says she understands. Usually that means that the person doesn't understand. Like that person's hiding it.

I heard her saying that she feels that shes not contributing. Its just that the way she said it, there was emotion. I dont know whats going on.

Enough sleep, but why would she be so tired? It cant be lack of energy. It must be lack of hope. Like when you give up hope, feeling like just quiting, you tend to lose interest and feel like sleeping. Like thes no drive.

After all the work? Well, she was lively. Lost with her friends. She was smiling when she particpated. She was having fun, real fun. Not the forced smiles.

I've gone through all this. Maybe in a different situation. But its just the same, the feelings. Its not easy to have to do something you dont have the drive to. Like going with the flow. I wanna help. But hell, I cant. I guess that I cant have everything. Really reminds me of this line, "I know a girl, She worked in a store, She knew not what, Her life was for"

Well, staying back after school was fun. It was one of those days where there were people with free time on their hands. We had fun! Music, dance and computer games. She was happy as well. I talked a lot with ailsa. Shes actually quite smart, but i think she might not be confident. The "not that confident bit". Found out that shes born in the same month as me, and 15 days older! We're virgos!!!

I found out that:

Virgo's are one of the most misunderstood signs of the zodiac. People think they're fussy, critical bad tempered and picky but that's only because they want everything to be perfect. This is the sign of cleanliness, although lots of Virgo's have the grottiest bedrooms and hang their clothes on the floor. They're extremely inquisitive and have a dreadful time trying to relax. Virgo's make fantastic friends. If a minor crises pops up you can be sure the Virgo will have everything under control in 30 seconds. They are always on the move because they like to learn as much as they can before they take off again. They excel at work so they probably get all the boring jobs (the ones Leo wouldn't be seen dead doing).

Virgo's are highly intelligent, interested in everything and everyone and happy to be busy with many jobs and hobbies. Many have some kind of specialised knowledge and most are good with their hands. Their nit-picking ways can infuriate their colleagues. They find it hard to discuss their innermost feelings and this can make them hard to understand. In many ways, they are happier doing something practical than dealing with relationships. These people can overdo the self-sacrificial bit and make themselves martyrs to other people's impractical lifestyles. They are willing to fit in with whatever is going on and they can adjust to most things, but they mustn't neglect their own needs. Although excellent communicators and wonderfully witty conversationalists, Virgo's prefer to express their deepest feelings by actions rather than words. Most avoid touching all but very close friends and family members and they find lovey-dovey behaviour embarrassing. These people can be very highly sexed and they may use this as a way of expressing love. Virgo's are criticised a good deal as children and are often made to feel unwelcome in their childhood homes. They in turn become very critical of others and they can use this in order to wound.

Many Virgo's overcome inhibitions by taking up acting, music, cookery or sports. Acting is particularly common to this sign because it allows them to put aside their fears and take on the mantle of someone quite different. They are shy and slow to make friends but when they do accept someone, they are the loyalist, gentlest and kindest of companions. They are great company and have a wonderful sense of humour.

Its quite true for me!

Well, shes wonderful company. I dont know, she has the aura of someone that you can be yourself with. I guess that I feel that I can drop the act with her and be myself. I dont know, she could very well be one of the people in my class that I can regard as a real friend. Well, I regard her as a close friend. I hope she feels the same.

I wonder, is there more to life than adrenline? Maybe its true "never give your child too many toys when their young".

This friday, a group of teens will take the leap into faith, Myself included. I'll trust my life with any one of them. We're all excited, but dreading it. Will we make it out of it alive?

We'll get through this. What do reason do I have to support that statement? Well, nothing much, I just know we will get through this.

I've been thinking, maybe there is more to life than excitment. I really wish I could know. Searching all the time, yet, I do not know what my treasure is.

I fucked up

2008-05-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

I got home at 1 when I was supposed to be home at 8. Major screw up. I dont know, I can go on a clean record for a long time. Then, when i screw up, I do it bad. Grounded a whole damn day. Hate that.

I screwed up with genevieve. I screwed up with cassandra. I screwed up with K. I screwed up with my parents. I screwed up with so many people. By the way, names here aren't listed in any particular order. And I didn't screw up in the same way.

But seriously, its depressing to know that I've let down or made so many people down. Thats why I hate thinking. Most of the time, its okay. Thinking up of cool stuff to do and say. But its those times when you really think. About life, death and everything between it. Thats why I hate being alone. Private stuff is different, but everything else, I hate doing stuff alone. I'm just scared.

But hell, I dont know. Sometimes, I was go back and change the past. Sometimes I want to do something to change the present state. And sometimes, I wanna leave things the way it is. I guess that I can be a perfectionist. If it aint gonna be good, why do it. Its more evident for important stuff.

I wanna say sorry to K but I got no guts/balls and I wanna do it properly. I dont know, I guess I like her. But I got honour, I'm not gonna try. Cause of reasons I know that she would not want me to tell the world. But hell, I'd still rather keep her as a friend. I seriously do not need a guy beating me up cause I got fresh with her.

I wanna ask genevieve, but I go no guts/balls and I wanna do it properly as well. I dont want it to be chessy and I want to do it face to face. I'm really serious with her. I wanna ask her. But too many things are keeping me from it.

1) she just went through a tough time with someone.

2) she said some stuff which I do not know whether is really her mind.

3) I guess that because of two, I'm stagnating. This guy like her and is going all out. Like bluffing his fiends and all. I guess that cause genevieve knows, I'm hoping she would not go with him.

4) Her exams, I dont need to be the cause of her screwing it up.

5) I've gone through a relationship. I more or less know what's supposed to happen and all. And part of me knows that I'm lazy and will not live up to those expectations.

6) I dont know, I kinda feel that we dont have much in common. I'm wild crazy. Shes high crazy. Theres a difference. One example, I was almost coaxing everyone to walk out on the teacher. Thats wild crazy, doing stuff that no one will ever dare to dream of.

There are so many reasons. I used to think "what the heck, lets just do this shit" and I'll have done this shit already.

Shit, I hate growing up. Having to be tacital and all that. Gone are the days where jokes, hell, they come out like water. Now I have to think whether its sexist or racist. But by then, the joke aint gonna work.

Well, pierre said some interesting stuff. And frankly speaking, after all we've been through, I'll really consider what he's thinking.

semper fi, always faithful
The way the days and hours pass you'll never understand,Falling like rain through your hands

And life goes on... But heres a lil recap on what happened today.

2008-05-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

Well, Mr andre's last day today. I was pretty sad. He was a damn good teacher, and thats one hellva one high standard.

The class did something special today for him. We bought a chocolate cake, 5 roses (for the 5 teams) and a card. We were preparing the stuff. But suddenly, he came to the classroom! Roger, Iqul and Anfal were outside, ready to stop him from entering. But he came so unexpected that they did not think up of an idea to stop him.

I thought heard someone say " Mr Andre! Don't go in! Kasmi's changing inside!". Look on his face was priceless! Then Ika came in and told everyone. Kasmi's face has horrified! PRICELESS! Okay, thats a lil mean.

When he came back again, we had everything ready. Ferrisher had "You are not alone" by Michael Jackson playing. We all stood up and greeted him. I saw that he was touched. It was such a wonderful moment. Andre was so touched that he was wiping tears away. Quite alot of us were touched too. Fine, I confess, my eyes had something in them, thats why they were watering! I'm a emotional person, I'm probably the first to tear up at this sorta thing.

Mr Andre, I am sure that the whole class feels the same when I say that you've been a great facilitator and the best that I've ever met. You taught us life and taught us things that we have never thought about. Your wide knowledge never failed to keep us interested. Coupled with your openness, you never failed to brush aside our monday blues. You taught us to be a better people and you never failed to give motivation to each and everyone of us. No lesson was boring. Thank you for the awesome learning experience. Sir! I salute you!

On a more personal note,

I'll always miss the days when I step into the class feeling down. And I never fail to hear a "Good Morning Yueming". The cheerfulness behind those 3 words never failed to make me grin. You always had interesting stories to tell the whole class. You always gave an indept commentation about my relection journal and my presentation. Helped me understand my weak areas. But what distingushed you above the rest is that you never fell back on your position as a teacher to win a debate. You always went head to head with my views. You are indeed one of a kind. I hope that you won't ever forget us, our class and RP itself.

Well, whats done's done. I guess that I have to accept that fact that culture wouldn't ever be the same again. But the lessons, shall never be forgotten. They will always be fresh in my mind.

W14B

2008-04-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well, its been a month or so since I've been in RP. Gotten quite a good class. Never a dull moment! Fucking cool place to be!

Well, its sad. Andre, our culture teacher, is going off to work in another school. He was a good teacher. Helped get the class focused. He was a nice person.

It's a waste because having him was the best thing that ever happen in our class. He made us forget about Monday blues and Culture was never boring with him guiding us.

Transcripts from 4 on 4 battle in Call Of Duty 4.

2008-04-29T07:25:00.001-07:00

Starting of the first round

Yueming : "Okay guys, teams of two, lets do this
Pierre : "Fuck no, go together man"
Melvin : "quit bitchin and move!"

Round 1, Score 1250 to 500 in favour of us

Second Round
Melvin : "Bloody hell, i hate bloc. sniper map"
Yueming : "no shit for you, you hunt snipers here man."
Melvin : *snigger
Pierre : "Clear the south west building and hold it. Floor to floor"
Yueming : "flash out! Breaching! Breaching!"
Pierre : "Clear left, clear right! Move!"
(screaming from here becomes intelligeble)
Shawn : "Two coming from the eas... Not anymore their not"
Everyone : *Sniggers*

(Enemy Helicopter)
Melvin : "You gotta be shitting me, Tser has a heli?! Fuck"
Yueming : "No more AA, used up all my RPGs and nades. I"ll hold em off, some one take down that fucking helicopter!"
Pierre : "Shit, I'll shooting that Fucker with my AK, I'll Melee it if i fucking could!"
Melvin : "Its smoking!"
Pierre : "Woot! Its down now, completed a challenge to!"

Pierre : "shit, theres so many UAV lines, its almost like fucking real time update!"
Yueming : "woops, there goes another sucker trying to sneak up on me"

Round 2, Score 1120 to 630

Third Round

Yueming : "You gotta be shitting me, i hate wet works!"

Melvin : "Fuck this, their using UAV jammers."
Pierre : "We getting owned damn it!"
Shawn : "We gotta lure them some how.."

Yueming : "Mel, Haul ass!"
*Shoots melvin's attacker*
Melvin : "shit, thanks"
Yueming : "Two more coming up, hide or something"
*Takes out 6 targets just inches from melvin*
Yueming : "you gotta be shitting me, i just took out 6 guys in succession!"

Round 3, score 1050 to 800, we win

The rest of the rounds had no funny situations. We played 7 rounds. Our average score ratio was 2.5 to 1 in favour of us. Hot damn! I'm sticking to Mel, piere and shawn! Fucking good team work!

Well, _______ knows already about the past. Some stuff happened to her. I sincerely hope her well.

And it takes a lot of nerve to ask how she is doing
Start with a weak foundation, you will end in ruins
The way the days and hours pass you'll never understand
Falling like rain through your hands

Hot damn!

2008-04-17T06:13:00.001-07:00

Karma. Interesting idea.

A lot of people say I'm blessed. Stable family, with parents earning a decent amount of money. That I get what ever I want or need from my parents. Clothes, books, electronic and food. That i should be happy with what I have.

Bullshit

Stable family huh? Try this, my entire extended family all have gone through university. Yes, my uncles, aunts, cousins.. Hell, I got a niece whos gone through university already! Straight As! And I gotta live up to that tradition.

I'm a person of many firsts in my family. First person to get below 240 for PSLE (188 points). First to go to normal academic. First to go to Polytechnic. First to get a B. First to get a C. First to get a D. And thats just for studies. The rest are too long to type out.

My achievements? Not much. Shot up a stream (normal academic to express). First in 3 outta 4 air gun competitions.

Stress is a powerful emotion. I dont know. I wanna live normal. I wanna be loved. Not treated as an item to show off.

I HATE BEING ALONE! I HATE COMING BACK TO A FAMILY THAT SCOLDS ME FOR EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE I DO!

RP, I get called encyclopieda. Hell, I dont mind some people acknowledging that I'm smart in some way. But at home, I get rat shit. I got 3As for last week. I'm fucking proud of it. I haven't gotten this much As for a damned long time. And their the only thing my family cares about. I show them the news, and I get "3? why not 5? You useless piece of ****!"

I see people smiling when they get As cause their parents will congratulate them in some way. Hell, no one know what I go through. Sure hell sucks being degraded everyday.

In every point in my life, I have badly wanted something. And I can never get it. Why? Cause circumstances dont allow me to. Its either my parents dont allow or that thing is outta my reach.

I can sure hell think of one thing that I really want now but I cant have.

Why the fuck is life so fucking unfair? I just want to be loved...

At last.

2008-04-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

2008-04-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

Beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me.
There is nothing else in the world,I'd rather wake up and see (with you).
Beautiful dawn - I'm just chasing time again.
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night.
But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?
Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.

High; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.
Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

Goodbye my lover

2008-04-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I Love You

2008-04-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

I will call you up everyday Saturday night
And we both stayed out 'til the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be

After 5 months for boredem....

2008-03-29T03:47:00.000-07:00

Got a posting to Republic Polytechnic. So damn happy!!

I got friends going there, so i aint gonna be bored! Pierre's gonna be been in SEG with me! Least got a friend there (:

I went for the orientation on 25-26 of march. Made some new friends there. Timonthy and Jeow, nice people (:

From 9 am to 9pm we ran, raced and shouted. I could only drag myself home to sleep, just to start again the next day. We got, sorta, a tour round the school. Its damn big,damn new and damn artistic!

Got a new laptop to ;)

Kinda sad that I had to leave early on the second day.. I had to help _____ do some stuff in school. That idiot didn't get into anything, so had to apply directly to the school of choice.

Anyway, I might get a remake of my room! Get the set where the bed's on top and theres a study space on the bottom. WoOtS!

I'm gonna go to merawoods now to hang out, gonna have a blast!

Who knew the other side of you
Who knew what others died to prove
Too true to say goodbye to you
Too true, too sad sad sad

Push the fader, gifted animator

One for the now and eleven for the later

Never made it, Up to Minnesota

North Dakota man was a gunnin' for the quota

Down in the badlands she was saving the best for last

it only hurts when I laugh
Gone too fast

Some thoughts...

2008-01-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

Well, its less than a week till i get my O level results. I'm not feeling so happy. Its been draining me of my mood lately. Dont really feel like doing anything.

Well, I dont know, I guess that i'm feeling kinda sad that everyone's getting hitched. (Yeah, it sucks big time, I liked her. Ah well, I wish her well) Only guy surviving's Melvin. *Laughs* My childhood friend, which I've gone through think and thin, is going through it with me.

One year just passed..

I miss my friends at school. To all those people put there, you might think I'm joking when i say "I WISH I HAD SCHOOL NOW!!!!" I'm lonely,bored and tired of everything. What a son of a bitch this is.

Ever had the feeling where you cant believe something happened? Like "I cant believe i'm an older sister/brother" or "I cant believe ______ happened to me!" Well, thats what i'm feeling now. I really cant believe that i'm going get back my results that could shape my future.

I guess that i'm feeling scared. Nothing seems to go my way. I might excel in test and all but when it comes to exams, I dont do so good.

Well, 3 more days till the time of judgement. 3 more days till time slows to a stop...

Once upon a time is the start
On a planet hidden, deep in the stars
There's a young boy waiting - transending parts of silver memories.

Ships arrived with the army of doom
All he hears is screaming; that will end pretty soon
Now he waits for something, hope in his heart
And silver memories...

He remembers his friends and his family
How they laughed as they played
He remembers his dreams, then reality -
As he sits, and he waits...

Once upon a time is the start,
There's no happy ending to this final part
Can you hear that pain beating in his heart
Can you see his silver, falling apart
Can you see his silver - - - falling apart - - -
His silver memory...

Youth Camp

2007-12-15T11:54:00.000-08:00

I came back from the Youth Camp a few hours ago. I shall proceed to talk about the camp.

Monday, 10th of december, first day

We set off from church at 8.45am. Long ride, I slept on the bus. It was almost 4 when we got there. We got into our bunks to unpack. Chong yi, David, Seng Heng and Samuel were in the same bunk with me. Settled for ice breakers, sketched the outline for the batik painters to wax for our banner and then dinner. After that, we had a camp talk. The preacher was keyser keith. nice person. After that, we went to sleep.

Tuesday, 11 of december, second day

I woke up and washed up. It was freezing the night before, thats why I didn't shower then. Ate breakfast and went for singsperation and the sermon. After that, we went to a workshop to paint our banners. We were there from 2-4. It started raining halfway. Hehheh, I didn't really work, I was talking to my friends. During free and easy, (4-6 everyday) I teamed with Samuel, later Chong Yi, to match against Carena and Shi Ting. It was okay, until Lucas joined in. We were evenly matched. till he broke status quo to their favour =.=''. At 6, we had dinner. At night, we had singsperation and some contest. Participants were given 5 mins to preach. Winner was the one with best deliverly. After that, there was dinner and Dorm Devotion. Then we went to sleep.

Wednesday, 12 of december, third day

Same thing like yesterday until after lunch. We had indoor games. We where made to go to each station blindfolded. They were basically teambuilding games. First was some game where you had to go through numbered boxes, taped on the ground in sequence, without having 2 on a box. Second was a crossword puzzle. Third was a challenge of spinning 15 rounds and trying to bring water from a point to another point. Fourth was to use newspapers to make a tower. The last was something of a pictionary. Then we had to usual stuff; free and easy, dinner and Dorm Devotion. There was a competition were contestances were to preach for 5 minutes and the best would win.

Thursday, 13 of december, fourth day

Basic itinery was the same. But we had beach games instead of indoor games. There was captain's ball (where members had to be in pairs and tied together with waterballoons as balls) and line defence (Three lines of defenders for attackers to try to cross). We also had another competition were contestances had to memerize the scripture and recite it.

Friday, 14 of december, fifth day

Well, everything was the same. But we had a campfire and a camp recollections. It was cool, sitting under the stars... Seeing the whole universe. Shooting stars and all, I only wished it would never end. I dont know, maybe its my starsign or not, but I'm an emotional sorta guy. Not emo, emotional. I guess that i'm sentimental. After 5 days at the camp, i'm pretty much used to the life. I guess that I didn't want it to end.

Saturday, 15 of december, fifth day

Went home? What else is there to say? Oh yeah! Its a werid story. My bus had a problem. Some bugger stole the bus battery. Thats right, the bus battery! So the bus could start up, damn stupid. Ah well...

22th of November

2007-11-22T06:22:00.000-08:00

Well, its been 10 days into the holidays. Well, lets recap on the event so far:

1. Gradnight 13/11/07

It was fun! MC was good. Took a lot of pictures. Memories frozen in time... Got all my friends and teachers which inpacted my life. Pity it had to end... FUNNY!!!

2. Went out with Mel, Pierre and Sean to Plaza Singapura. 15/11/07

Great seeing them again. Well, we explored the nook and cranies of paradiz centre. Played lan together. Sean showed us a nice mod for Battle Field 2! REAL FUN!!!

3. Went out with Yu wen and Kenneth Liew 21/11/07

We meet at Plaza Singapura. Got tickets for Encanted. At least 2/3 of us had watched everthing else OR one of us were too young... HER name has second and third last letters in the alphabet, 2 vowels and a "N". (: We went to HMW@Heren to help Yu Wen spend her coupon thingamagig. Ended up watching transformers most of the time. DAMN! Ended up not being able to explore CHIMES. DAMN! (again) We then went to was Encanted. It was really funny! After that, we went to take Neoprints. Cause we dont meet much. Ah well... GREAT TIME!!!

Well, I'm gonna be going for a camp and an overseas trip. Holidays are good. But i'd rather have school going on... without classes that is.

Fly away on my Zephyr
I feel it more then ever
And in this perfect weather
We'll find a place together
In the water where the scent of my emotion
All the world will pass me by
Fly away on my Zephyr
We'll find a place together

2007-10-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

One week down...
Only 2 more to go...
Thank god its the harder papers that are tested first...

What will i do after the exams...
I really don't know...
Someone help me...
I just want it to happen...

I just want it again...
I want it to happen...

Damn!!! I want it back!!!

Day was gonna come when I was gonna mourn ya

16 Years Old...

2007-09-20T01:49:00.000-07:00

Well, i just turned 16. And only a month to my O levels. Many things have happened. Good things, Bad things have happened...

As i remember the times I went through heaven and hell with melvin and pierre, I cant help feel said and proud of em. I've known melvin for 10 years, since primary one. I went through streaming, PSLE with him. Pierre came in at Secondary 1. I remember graduating a stream up with him. Secondary 2 came, and i introduced them to each other, now, we form a tight-kint clan. I always could count on them to get my back in everything. I hope they feel the same. It was all good times. Now, we got the O levels to face. Well, to you guys, lets get through this shit and come out the other side...

Then Merawoods, all my friends there. With out em, i'll be really bored. Kenneth, Benny, Wei Zhe, Genevieve and Sandra. More than 4 Years I've known em... Had fun with them hanging out with all of em... Its been a blast with you guys... I'm damn well lucky to know good friends like you all...

Her... I've known her for a long time... Well, I just wish she'll come back... When she left, part of me left with her... It'll never come back. I've come to realize that. My sincere wish is that we'll be friends again...

All those years spent with my close friends, I would never trade for anything... I only wish it would last longer...

But i cant help think, all this will end, i really dont want it to... My friends now, i practically grew up with since childhood... I dont want this to end...

In 1 Month time, me, Melvin and Pierre will take a jump into infinity. Will we make the trip and come back? I dont know... Without knowing it, I've been preparing for this trip my whole life... I had a dream, I had all my friends with me. I looked right, Melvin was getting ready. I looked left and Pierre was giving his wide grin. Back behind, I had the rest of my friends look toward me with support. It was amazing...

Well, I come to the end of this post. I know that everyone's got my back on way or another... Well, I know I got their backs when they face through what i'm going through now...

Guys! Lets Do This Shit!!!

Nearly 3am and tomorrow's prelim's Add Math

2007-08-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

I know i shouldn't be online. But heck, I'm a night bird, cant help wanting to stay awake. Almost everyone's gone to sleep.

I like this time, 3am. Its when everything in nature is asleep. Its a grand feeling when ya lying in a tent and theres absolutely no noise at all. Not even the chirping of the crickets. It's one of those times were its nice to just stare into space and think about things.

I dont know why, I cant sleep at all...

Its been a year. Why does it have to hurt more than it used to? I tried and tried, but i just cant get ya outta my head. I know it made a careless mistake, it dont mean that i should be left with the huanting memories of you everyday?

I hate being left alone to think...

By the way... I tried to say... I'd be there... waiting for you

2007-07-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

Only going down can you lift up

Only going back can bring you forward

Only looking back can teach you lessons you cant learn normally

If all that is true, will feeling pain, regret, saddness bring happiness?

WHY... CANT... YOU... LEAVE... MY.... MIND!
I keep wanting you...

Gone

2007-04-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

Shes gone...

She said she'll come back home. She told me she'll be alright. She lied... Now i'm sicken by the feeling... Everyone looks daggers at me. Its all my fault, i screwed up... And now, I'll never see her face again...

I told her i'll go find her, i promised... And i failed her...

We went through shit together, all 4 of us... We caught each other when we fell... But i failed, failed this time..

I know nothing can bring her back anymore... Nothing at all...

And now, i can only sit back and hope that she comes back as others go to find her...

who dares,wins?

As the term comes to a close...

2007-03-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

How far have i gone? Still surving i guess...

Stuff has happened, problems encountered, but i wonder... Did i do the right thing? Did i make a difference?

I guess i did... But, was it enough?

Am i happy with what i'm doing now? I dont know...

But is it enough? Why do i turn around and see you staring at me... Why i do i keep looking around, trying to run from... something i dont know...

Is it true? who dares, wins?

Just have a little,
patience I'm still hurting from a love I lost,
I'm feeling your frustration,
But any minute all the pain will stop,
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight,
Don't be too hard on my emotions

Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb, has no feeling,
So while I'm still healing,
Just try and have a little patience,

I really wanna start over again,
I know you wanna be my salvation,
The one that I can always depend,
I'll try to be strong, believe me,
I'm trying to move on,
It's complicated but understand me,

Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while I'm still healing,
Just try and have a little patience yeah,
Have a little patience, Yeah

Cause this scar runs so deep,
It's been hard,
But I have to believe,
Have a little patience,
Have a little patience,

Cause I, I just need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while I'm still healing,
Just try, and have a little patience,
Have a little patience,

My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while I'm still healing Just try and have a little... Patience

Chinese new year

2007-02-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

Hmph...

Its 3.20am now...

I gotta go overseas this CNY. I dont like going overseas. Always having to follow my parents around. The reunion dinner is really boring. I hate being the only cousin which hasn't gotten pass O levels. Everyone else has a master's degree. Puts alota Pressure on me!! Darn...

If anything has changed, everything is moving faster... School... Activities... I get only 5 hours of sleep a day... including a afternoon nap... I want my holiday to come so so badly!

I'll retire now...

Who dares, wins....

On my mark, snipers... fire!
And our rifles spat out their vemon instantanusly...

WHY?

2007-02-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

How can i tell you how i feel?

Its so hard. Thoughts flood my mind. I dont like em. I cant get ya off my mind...

I want those thoughts to go away... But i want you to stay...

Damn it, i want you so bad...

Does it really help? Whosoever dares wins?

You're in my dreams, in my thoughts, wherever i go... Does that mean i love you? Does that mean i've fallen for you?

Vengence is sweet

2007-02-04T05:42:00.000-08:00

Traitor! Liar!

You're going down, you're going down badly. Theres nothing to stop it from coming! Me and my friends are gonna show you just how great a mistake you've made!

You're gonna hurt, you're gonna cry out, but nothings gonna help you! You're gonna wish that the day you were born, never happened!

You're gonna be so Pai sei that you'll wont wanna show your face for some time!

I think i speak for the victim and everyone else, we'll gonna teach you NEVER to lie about someone we know so well and hold close to our hearts.

Who dares, wins

revenge, is a medvac

2006-12-25T03:18:00.000-08:00

Ah, christmas...

It comes and goes, just like any other day. Exchanged some presents from a few close friends, thats it. I feel that thats the way events should be celebrated. A small party with a few close friends. To make it really meaningful. Not some big party with loud noise and fights.

The merawoodians had a small party, hosted by Amanda. Thanks (:

I was kinda sick that day, had a taxing afternoon. I looked around that table, all the smiling faces and happiness. I realized, this year would be the very last year we all would be together. Benny has moved, I have moved, kenneth is taking NS next year. We've been a tight-nit group for many years. We'll come back often, but the convience of a calling someone down in a short notice is gone. But i guess that the time has come. That we'll be seprated. Yes, we'll keep each other's contacts, maybe go out time to time. But never will the group be as close together as before.

New year is coming, mistakes have been made. Mistakes that I, well, might next be able to correct. But Everyone knows, in order for a person/group/friendship to grow, we have to learn from pass mistakes, and move on. To me, too many mistakes have been made by me and my colleagues. At the cost of many friends, nothing can be done about it. We honor the fallen. For me, Honoring aint putting flowers on their graves everyday. Honoring people is to remember what they have done. Remembering them as the person they are.

I've been looking up into the sky these few days. Thinking of everyone i know, whether they hate me or not. Many dont treasure life and friends. I do. Now, everyone are young, the time when we make friends for company. But i've skipped a stage of my life, I've been forced to grow up too fast. My world is filled with people that make friends for money. Every teen wants to grow up faster. But when you're all grow up, you wanna be young again.

The year is ending, what will you do? Will you pass the year nonclantently? Or will you look back to the year and smile and the good things you've done and try to correct the mistakes?
I know what i do... Do you?...

Never the less, Merry christmas everyone!

I looked around the area, two enemies taken prisoner, 15 dead.
I radioed, " Okay guys and girls, put em on safe and let em hang, we're outta here"

Who dares, wins

2006-12-13T04:54:00.000-08:00

Came back home very late the night before, had to alot of stuff. So the tiredness dragged over to today. Slept the whole day. Played a game with some friends of mine. 12 of us. One girl 's father brought 12 of a vest-like-thing. Its abit like the American MILES (Miltary Intergrated Learning Emulation system). But it aint it, US govenment wont allow. lol! The unit is like a backpack. We had this rifle-look-alike. The objective of the game was to score the most points by ''shooting'' the enemies. Different areas shot would translate to different amounts of points. We broke to 2 Teams, and we played. The ''battlefield'' was in one of our friend's condo. It was almost like real life war, lol. We would sneak around and try to find the team, and mayhem would ensue when we found each other. Think of it as Laser quest, but on a large scale... Played till around 2 am, Some guys even brought camoflage paint. That was really overdoing the whole ''war'' thing. Then we all went back home, reached at 3 am, walked back you see.

Tired as hell

Who dares, wins...

''TOC to entry team, green light''
''Roger that''

''Three''
We all looked at each other

''Two''
I opened the door slightly, and Garcia pulled the safety pin out

''one''
We heard two dull cracks.

''excute!''
I pushed open the door.

''excute!''
Garcia throw the grenade

''excute!''
And i flung myself in to chaos...

2006-12-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

There was once a wise person that told me this: In life, there are 3 ways to go about doing things. Quality, Quantity and Cost, pick two. Ponder about it...

There was really nothing left of the area, fifteen bodies pulverised. Thousands of shards of equipment. It was like everything had gone through a snow blower, with a missing blade...

It left a foul taste in the back of my mouth, they were men like me. Men with dreams... They all might have wives, sons, daughters, girlfriends. They all had someone to worry about them. And i had taken them away from their loved ones... I looked around the bulkhead of the helicopter... Everyone had a pained look on their faces... Everyone felt the same as me... Doing things to protect our loved ones, friends, families... Yet we knew that we had just taken a person from the exact thing we held close to our heart... They were enemies 5 minutes ago, but now, they were brothers... Fallen brothers... They had died... To let us live...

2006-12-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

Came back from cameron highlands yesterday, i was really tired. Cold and wet. No one at home, everyone all away, I hope theres another merawoods trips soon, dying to go out...

Cameron was okay, went to all the plantations there. Strawberries, tea and a honey bee plantation. But I tell you, food up there is really expensive! Went out with my cousins there, it was fun observing the senery. High up in the mountians...

I'm too tired to continue, I'll post more soon...

The place erupted in flames, I called on my radio
"target destroyed"
"Roger that, we're bingo fuel, Arr-Tee-Bee"
And I saw the navy jets return to their mothership, 600 miles away...

2006-11-23T16:06:00.000-08:00

Argh, gen has beaten me to posting about the merawoods outing by a day.

Okay, heres the break down of what we planned to do: Go watch a movie (I had a hunch it would be happy feet cause gen was very persistent, me and ben were ready for anything) Then go for lunch. After that, watch Wei zhe's friends jam (Junwen, Dayong, Javis) Then go home.

Heres how it played out: We called kenneth, and he was with kookie... We met gen's friend, bellinda i think, then went to bugis to watch happy feet. After that, we went to food junction to eat. We bullsh*ted around for 30 minutes thinnking on wad ta do. When in doubt? Go play the old form of entainment! So we found ourselves at the arcade, damn, my favourite place! I played Time crisis 3 and silent scope, was okay. Jarrold's good as a shootist, but then ''good'' is a relative term... I beat him by 10 times his score... Then it was time to go home, it was kinda quiet, maybe everyone was a bit sad to leave. Gen was surprisingly very quiet, not a peep outta her. Weizhe wanted to go to westmall, but gen needed to be back home, so we didn't go. I reached home, and slept, till the next day... Woah, wow, damn...

''All units, sitrep!''
'' Blue one, gold one''
''gold one, go''
''They went into our kill zone, never had a chance''
''copy that''
I put down my radio and looked up into the sun rise, and had a sudden urge to hug her...

who dares, wins!

2006-11-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

Sandra wants me to do some qizz, here it goes:

THE 10 FAVOURITES

favourite color : Dark Blue, Dark Green, Dark Black(!?), and many more which i'm lazy to name!

favourite book : The Da vinci code! cause it sparked controversy!

favourite food : Seafood? Junk food? basically anything unhealthy!

favourite movie : Dont bother, I watch a movie every week, too many to name...

favourite sport : Air guns! WOOT!

favourite season : Winter! So white, so pure... SO BLINDING!

favourite country : U-SA!

favourite ice-cream : Mango!!!

THE 7 CURRENTS

current mood : Sleepy...

current things you are wearing : Army green Tee, Dog tags, Cargo pants (I'm going out!)

current desktop : The standard XP desktop?

current toenail colours : Lets just say, they are natural-coloured

current time : 2.00 pm

current annoyances : My mum wants me to cut my hair...

current thoughts : I think i just found out what a hangover is...

THE 7 FIRSTS

first best friends : You know who you'll are, i'm lazy to name/think

first love : Nope, NOT gonna name

first movie : Hey! dont look at me man!

first peircing : Never peirced, never will peirce

first music : Dont ask me, i forgot

THE 7 LASTS

last cigarette : No such thing man

last drink : Coke

last car ride : 2 weeks before...

last crush : Look, this is getting boring...

last movie seen : Step up! Oh yeah!

last phone call : My mum

last cd played : I got no CDs, i d/l everything down

THE 6 HAVE YOU EVERS

have you ever date one of your best friends? Look, Its really getting old...

have you ever broken the law? Does stealing back my stuff count?

have you ever been arrested? Nope

have you ever skinny dipped? Get outta here! NO!

have you ever been on tv? Yep!

have you ever kissed someone you dont know? NO!

5 things you are wearing : Sroll up and see!

4 things you have done today : Played com, swim, eat, sleep...

3 things you can hear right now : Halo soundtrack, my headphone only allow me that!

2 things you cant live without : Myfriends and family

1 thing you do when you are bored : Bored? Oh, Chain think

2006-11-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was fun! Went down arond 1.30 and played basketball till 6.30! There was me, ben, weizhe, jun wen, gen, victoria (gen's hyper friend). Gen's friend sprained her ankle, but i'm not too sure, she was playing as good as the day before. Maybe it was a minor sprain, in anycase, i hope her spain heals soon.

Weizhe was, or rather, is afraid of gen's friend. Guess hes unconfortable with contact. They both were very... entertaining when gen's friend chased weizhe all over the court! Ah well

Its kinda fasinating that jun wen is known by gen and weizhe. coincidence!

I'm shack now, aching like crazy all over. I knew i should have slept instead of playing com till 1. Oh well...

12 more days, and into the gautlet i go... I have the physical strengh, but do i have the mental strengh? Only time will tell...

"bravo two, i got him" there was a crack. I raced up the tower, there was a bullet hole the size of a fifty-cent coin on his forehead. "Tango down, nice one bravo two" i replied..

2006-11-13T15:35:00.000-08:00

The cold dampness of the morning. And i'm posting...

Two of my friends have left to go overseas...

Ben has confirmed, hes moving out...

Sitting on the window still and thinking. Just thinking...

Its so damn saddening. Everything that I dont wanna happen is happening...

I'm not the sort of person who wants new friends, i just wanna keep my present friends close...

15 more days. After that, into the lion's den...

Who dares, wins?

My job, profession... Is a world away from life, and then some more...

2006-11-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

The band is... No more

Damn, it sucks, i guess its one less topic...

Training everyday, its tiring crap. The area of skin between my thumb and index finger is sore. My muscles ache everyday. And my eyes are tired. Lets hope I pull this S*** off. Its begining to be a pain in the ass...

Damn, i was crapping with Kenneth about the future. Like when kenneth invites everyone to his concert. Damn, i wonder how everyone will be like. Gen might be some really powerful ruler, really rich? Kenneth could be a talented conductor? Each seat worth $1000? heheh, then benny will be some famous civil enginner (pardon my spelling) Amanda could... rats, i dont know what she wants to be... maybe some top-notch lawyer or something? She could be! Wei Zhe and Jarrold could be in a famous band? Sandra could be some talented singer? All this is of course really streching imagination, but, who knows? It could happen...

But everyone is movin away. Just thinkin aboout it makes me said. Heck, there were arguements here and there. Some really heated up, but its normal i guess...

I seriously wonder how everyone I know will be like 10 years from now. Makes me feel really sad leaving everyone. Yes, we may come back and all, but it'll feel so much more different. Its been a enjoyable 5 years here. Its so damn sad that it has to end. Well, we all still can keep in touch...

The rifle sights settled just below the enemies' neck and i pulled the trigger. It seemed like the earth just sallowed him up when he disappeared... I walked over and checked him... And all of sudden, I felt s dirty, so used, so tired...

2006-11-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

Kenneth quit the band, nothings stopping him. Hes not joining back. Lot of problems with the band, i was talking to him yesterday, so i know wads on his mind.

21 more days...

How would i fair?

So many questions in my mind...

I hope to come back...

3 people down, so i'm left with 5 people...

Its fun, but heck, its dangerous. Follow my passion or back down to safety... Which one?

No one's coming down anymore, people aren't going due to their reasons. I wanna plan a outing, but i cant do that if everyone keeps hiding at home. I want everyones' input.

Last thing he saw, was a red dot on his forehead and a flash sparked from the coner of his eye. No pain at all, it was so heavenly...

2006-11-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

Counting the days down to the trip. Not that i'm looking forward to the trip... RATS!

I wanna go jamming today! Darn! I need all the possible practise I can master. Maybe its attributed to the fact that I'm going out more then I'm home...

All I know, time is a valuable thing. Watched it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it counting down to the end of the day. Didn’t look out below. Watched the time go right out the window. Trying to hold on, but didn’t even know. Wasted it all just to. Watch you go. I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. what it meant to me, will eventually be a memory, of a time when I tried so hard.

2006-11-05T15:23:00.000-08:00

Why did it have to happen to her? Why couldn't it be me? Why must she be left behind? Why must my best friend fall... Why does it all have to end so fast? Why did you tell the others not to tell me? Why did you have to leave my side?

all I want is you back by my side again....

Always beside you when you dont know...

All the time when you're asleep...

maybe, just maybe, i love you...

Who dares, wins

2006-11-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

Its all over already, her problem's resolved! Couldn't stop worrying then. Hope she appreciates my help.

Heh, i guess being a virgo is abit of a curse and a blessing, curse in the sense that i worry for ALL my friends... Oh well...

But something's not right, my gut feeling. My gut feeling has served me well, so now its acting up, something is not right. I dont know whats it. Its like something is gonna happen soon, something... bad...

Who dares, wins (or is it?)

2006-10-31T23:35:00.000-08:00

Darn, 5 hours of my life... wasted! 4 hours of transport and 1 hour of add math classes... total bs!

Everyones out now, so pretty much i'm stuck home. BTW, i dont sing! Its more adrenaline inciting, the stuff i've to do.

Guys, if you need the info, email me, i've got the stuff.

The band, its okay... I just do not like people like jarrold. I'd rather stay away from them. Jarrold thinks hes pro at drums but only when he copies. If asked to make up something, its like hes got some problem with timing. I dont mean to say he sucks but heck, he should just pipe down. Hes a very abrasive person. All brawn and not much brains i guess.

Shes going thru a tough time now, i wish her well, i hope everything will turn out fine for her. Shes been thru alot and she deserves better then this...

Who dares, wins

2006-10-31T04:53:00.000-08:00

Darn, a overseas trip. I've got my work cut out for me. The trip involves me doing stuff no one thinks i do XD I love it, yet hate it to the core. many things in store for me. and i'm the the center of it, how nice!

Got so much on my mind, i just wanna sit with someone and talk...

I haven't had a decent chat in months. And i need to keep in shape, the most excerise i've done is the walking to the kitchen to get food. WOW!

Thats right, sandra, shes performing on the 27 of november... Saxist! lol sounds kinda wrong if you pronounce it. All the best!

Fighting so we can be free, Fighting for our dignity, Fighting for the truth and then, We can go and live again... Fighting for the way that's right, Fighting for our truth at night, Fighting up until the dawn...

who dares, wins?

2006-10-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

The school year is ending. Everyone going one step higher, people venturing into a new level of study. One particular person, she knows who she is. I wish her well, with the combonation shes taking. The rest of my friends, many of em i wont see again. If so, it'll be only a nod of acknowledgement. I shook hand with my friends, i felt a sense of sadness. I looked across a room, it was truely a mix bunch of people. Some have transfered, some have dropped a stream and the ones who have gone to the same stream.

And the merawoodians, people are moving and are thinking of. Benny has a new house near bishan, moving out before the year ends. I really dont know, we'll keep contact, but we aren't gonna chat for a long time. Kenneth has already moved, down a street. Not really much, but it was a close call, hes parents wanted to move further. But the fact that we stil interact, showed me that, heck, friends aren't always lost. i myself am moving too. To where? i dont know...

As i look back to the 10 months, its been hellva wild ride. Camps, relationships, new friends. For school, i learnt interesting things i never thought was possible. For home, my friends and i, did more and learnt more of each other. Went out more, found out different sides of each other. The more kinder sides. Only when one drops his/her guard. Like during a accident. And finally a special someone. We might not be on talking terms anymore.

I still think of her, it still brings a sense of warmth into my heart... I'll never forget you... I still go there and guard her and see her from afar... Cause i still feel for you...

Who dares, wins...

2006-10-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hey! Nothing much happened these few days, cause I've been home mostly. Listening to a lot of music. I realise that I listen to a whole array of music, no genre or artist in particular. Hm, BB tomorrow.... Camp briefing... The first of many.

I've got a trip to Malaysia, camerand highlands to see tea plantations! I get to see my cousins again! YAY! I only get to see them once a year. Most of them are migrating to singapore but they are almost 10 years older then me... 2-6 dec i think... dates posted up soon.

Next is youth camp! YAY! I love youth camp! Partly cause i love to heard people complaining about how tough the camp is. Its in a hotel for crying out loud! Its not tough! Then again, i've been to lot of camps. A bed, 3 meals a day, 8 hours of sleep , running water and clean clothes... Thats comfort compared to the camps I've been too. Dates? 5-9 dec... bit of an overlap... I'll sort it out...

I'm going out now, bit of lan... I've got to regain my lost title! You know who you are! You stole my title! You watch out! I'm back to training! Catch ya later...

who dares, wins

2006-10-16T16:58:00.000-07:00

Harder each day to make a choice, yet so much more easier. To let or to not, what should I do? Risk the friendship of an ungratful person I'm susposed to protect? Or just let it all go and make an inpact on her life? It is so hard... Sometime i wish for the life, the life of simple and blissful ignorance of these sort of things. Too scared to try, yet if i dont, something is gonna give way. All the training has helped in other problems, but said nothing of this. If i really tried, will i win? What would happen to me?

When you feel all alone, and the world has turned its back on you. Give me a moment please, to tame your wild wild heart...

who dares, wins?

2006-10-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

I dont know how to tell you, I dont know why i should tell you. Yet something in me wants to help you. You've hurt me before, it really hurt. Now i wanna just help you, and hell with what i get back. Not because its my job, cause I just wanna do it. It hurts when i know something will happen, but it hurts more when you aren't listening at all.

I know that if i dont tell you, you'll suffer badly. I'll come over and help you, even so, you'll point to me and tell me its my fault. It hurts when i know its even if i help you, it'll be a no-win situation... My motto, is it true? Will it work? I dont know... Maybe it will... I guess i gotta try...

Even though you may never know, something ticks in me. Something that tells me that i know, I love you...

who dares,wins

2006-10-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

Wads the longest you've played lan? 5 hours? maybe 6? I went out with my friends to play lan after my last paper. We started at 10 and played to 4, then continued later from 5-7... That makes... 9 hours of lan, damn! my joints are hurting, very stiff. I'm sure I wont perform during basketball later on.

on to wad we did. Duncan, Lukas, Edwin, Keith, Mark and I had a small competition. Won most of em! Well, we played generals zero hour first, 2 matches. First was me, Lukas and Keith against some schoolmates. they never had a chance XD next was me, Lukas and Keith on a FFA. I won! My defence was inpenatratable plus i had too much money on my side. So i overwhelmed my enemies to defeat! Then it was Starcraft, 6-way FFA. I pawned everyone, partly cause it was and island map (bases aren't linked). So there was no rushable chance. Again, my defence was solid. Mark and Edwin teamed and attack me, but luckily, i had some units in my base, or i'd be pawned. Next was Quake 3. Mark( a very good first person shooter gamer) pawned us all. I was usually 2 or 3. Battlefield 2 was next, very mixed, cause it was a draw. Then me, Lukas,Mark and edwin raced in Need For Speed(Most Wanted). I won again. Last was Star Wars Battle Front. This was a really mixed game cause the team that wins would be the team that won that battle in Star wars.

Then i went home, helped Keith to get to the nearest MRT station(bukit batok).

I'm tired, i'll go rest my aching bones....

who dares,wins

2006-10-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

went out yesterday with melvin, gerald and billy. you see, pierre, has exam today. so he couldn't come, HAHAHAHAH! who ask you never study last year? see now lah!

okay, this is what we planned to do: Go to gerald's house to mess around, watch a movie at plaza singapora, help billy choose a guitar, and then go home.

heres how it played out: we went to gerald's house and messed around. then we went to plaza singapora. we looked at the movie timings, and decided to go play pool. but to mel? he thought it was a pure waste of money to go to plaza singapora and do nothing, so we played around, arcade and at the guitar shop. then we when to play pool. billy only started to win when he wore his ring. but by then, gerald was wining by 6 solids XD poor guy... anyway, we went to eat dinner... when gerald was eating, melvin's mum asked whether melvin was eating out... so he was like, hey gerald, you eating out? damn, dense!

anyway, theres a part which i'd rather not mention after this...

joke of the day: look at park mall's logo, you'll notice it looks more of porkmall...

who dares,wins

2006-10-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

Today no school, so while everyone else who takes lit in my school has to go to school, i'm just relaxing at home! Posting at a bright a early morning with a slight haze surrounding my home. Time to get online with my friends, hope to see ya'll later...

who dares,wins

ps: lit boys, HA!

2006-10-09T04:46:00.000-07:00

ever had the feeling of deja vu?

well i have. I was late for my cme paper. Nothing new, just that,

i was late with the same group of friends, by the same amount of time, and did the paper in the same amount of time. Weridest thing? oh, it has happened for the last 5 exams. Just creepy. So yeah, think about it.

Heres an extract from today's usual bullshiting after the paper:

all you chinese people hold ya bling up! hold ya bling up! hold ya bling up! Cause all de american people. Wear their bling lowwww.

okay, i'll catch ya later...

who dares, wins

2006-10-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

damn, i just woke from blacking out

still coughing out blood. and my condition has acted up...

its not a nice feeling to feel intense pain and just blacking out.

its not like i can go on meds, cause there aint any...

its kinda werid cause i'm making and continuing a blog...

fer all you people who know me, my other blog wasn't successful...

i'll go take a jog now, even though its 11 pm at night...

who dares wins

2006-10-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Hey, i just opened up a new blog, thank god i ain't gonna make it public... had alot of crap from people XD studying now, see ya!