I fucked up
I got home at 1 when I was supposed to be home at 8. Major screw up. I dont know, I can go on a clean record for a long time. Then, when i screw up, I do it bad. Grounded a whole damn day. Hate that.
I screwed up with genevieve. I screwed up with cassandra. I screwed up with K. I screwed up with my parents. I screwed up with so many people. By the way, names here aren't listed in any particular order. And I didn't screw up in the same way.
But seriously, its depressing to know that I've let down or made so many people down. Thats why I hate thinking. Most of the time, its okay. Thinking up of cool stuff to do and say. But its those times when you really think. About life, death and everything between it. Thats why I hate being alone. Private stuff is different, but everything else, I hate doing stuff alone. I'm just scared.
But hell, I dont know. Sometimes, I was go back and change the past. Sometimes I want to do something to change the present state. And sometimes, I wanna leave things the way it is. I guess that I can be a perfectionist. If it aint gonna be good, why do it. Its more evident for important stuff.
I wanna say sorry to K but I got no guts/balls and I wanna do it properly. I dont know, I guess I like her. But I got honour, I'm not gonna try. Cause of reasons I know that she would not want me to tell the world. But hell, I'd still rather keep her as a friend. I seriously do not need a guy beating me up cause I got fresh with her.
I wanna ask genevieve, but I go no guts/balls and I wanna do it properly as well. I dont want it to be chessy and I want to do it face to face. I'm really serious with her. I wanna ask her. But too many things are keeping me from it.
1) she just went through a tough time with someone.
2) she said some stuff which I do not know whether is really her mind.
3) I guess that because of two, I'm stagnating. This guy like her and is going all out. Like bluffing his fiends and all. I guess that cause genevieve knows, I'm hoping she would not go with him.
4) Her exams, I dont need to be the cause of her screwing it up.
5) I've gone through a relationship. I more or less know what's supposed to happen and all. And part of me knows that I'm lazy and will not live up to those expectations.
6) I dont know, I kinda feel that we dont have much in common. I'm wild crazy. Shes high crazy. Theres a difference. One example, I was almost coaxing everyone to walk out on the teacher. Thats wild crazy, doing stuff that no one will ever dare to dream of.
There are so many reasons. I used to think "what the heck, lets just do this shit" and I'll have done this shit already.
Shit, I hate growing up. Having to be tacital and all that. Gone are the days where jokes, hell, they come out like water. Now I have to think whether its sexist or racist. But by then, the joke aint gonna work.
Well, pierre said some interesting stuff. And frankly speaking, after all we've been through, I'll really consider what he's thinking.
semper fi, always faithful
The way the days and hours pass you'll never understand,Falling like rain through your hands
I screwed up with genevieve. I screwed up with cassandra. I screwed up with K. I screwed up with my parents. I screwed up with so many people. By the way, names here aren't listed in any particular order. And I didn't screw up in the same way.
But seriously, its depressing to know that I've let down or made so many people down. Thats why I hate thinking. Most of the time, its okay. Thinking up of cool stuff to do and say. But its those times when you really think. About life, death and everything between it. Thats why I hate being alone. Private stuff is different, but everything else, I hate doing stuff alone. I'm just scared.
But hell, I dont know. Sometimes, I was go back and change the past. Sometimes I want to do something to change the present state. And sometimes, I wanna leave things the way it is. I guess that I can be a perfectionist. If it aint gonna be good, why do it. Its more evident for important stuff.
I wanna say sorry to K but I got no guts/balls and I wanna do it properly. I dont know, I guess I like her. But I got honour, I'm not gonna try. Cause of reasons I know that she would not want me to tell the world. But hell, I'd still rather keep her as a friend. I seriously do not need a guy beating me up cause I got fresh with her.
I wanna ask genevieve, but I go no guts/balls and I wanna do it properly as well. I dont want it to be chessy and I want to do it face to face. I'm really serious with her. I wanna ask her. But too many things are keeping me from it.
1) she just went through a tough time with someone.
2) she said some stuff which I do not know whether is really her mind.
3) I guess that because of two, I'm stagnating. This guy like her and is going all out. Like bluffing his fiends and all. I guess that cause genevieve knows, I'm hoping she would not go with him.
4) Her exams, I dont need to be the cause of her screwing it up.
5) I've gone through a relationship. I more or less know what's supposed to happen and all. And part of me knows that I'm lazy and will not live up to those expectations.
6) I dont know, I kinda feel that we dont have much in common. I'm wild crazy. Shes high crazy. Theres a difference. One example, I was almost coaxing everyone to walk out on the teacher. Thats wild crazy, doing stuff that no one will ever dare to dream of.
There are so many reasons. I used to think "what the heck, lets just do this shit" and I'll have done this shit already.
Shit, I hate growing up. Having to be tacital and all that. Gone are the days where jokes, hell, they come out like water. Now I have to think whether its sexist or racist. But by then, the joke aint gonna work.
Well, pierre said some interesting stuff. And frankly speaking, after all we've been through, I'll really consider what he's thinking.
semper fi, always faithful
The way the days and hours pass you'll never understand,Falling like rain through your hands
posted by swatsoldier at 6:18 AM
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